I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
