Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
