Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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