Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
