Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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