I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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