I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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