Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
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first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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