another moral hangover. fuck.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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