My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
