just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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