You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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