i barfeds in our rink
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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