it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
