so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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