i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
