my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
