I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
