I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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