I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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