wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
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I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
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Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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