Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
