It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
