but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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