there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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