Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
