It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
