he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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