Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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