It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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