I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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