I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
