I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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