so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Congratulations! We have a period
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