Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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