Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
