And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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