awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
