Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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