Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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