just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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