After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
