spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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