Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
