I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
