I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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