i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
