I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We are two peas in an std pod
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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