You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
