how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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