Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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