Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
