i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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