Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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