We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
