I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
