I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
