Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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