thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
