what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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