I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
