I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
