Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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