I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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