i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
