Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
