God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
