you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
