You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
