:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
