i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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