i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
