forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
sarcasm needs its own font
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
