Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
