This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
