I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Buhtt sex?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
