I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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