Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Houston, we have a blender
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you made out with another girl for some wings
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
