Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize