Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
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Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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